Da XOBB

Xenia's Organization of Blood Bowl Players

X's and O's Archive

Technical Ins and Outs

Season Two, Week Four

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient why there was no X's and O's column for Week Three

Otlex's Answer:
"That wasn't my fault. At least, it mostly wasn't my fault. I dropped the column in a pool of green ink that I was using to... well, a pool of green ink. And it got all crumply, see, like paper gets when it gets wet, and, well, it turned green. So Sammy mistook it for lettuce and put it in his salami sandwich.

"We did our best to rescue it, but as you can see there just wasn't much left. And what there was smelled kind of... well, anyway, we slavaged what we could. I'm sure nobody wanted to hear nuthin about that question anyhow. No real loss, right?"


The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach J. I. Barnacle III of the Crimson Claws: "Clearly there is some kind of favoritism going on in this League. There is something highly suspicious about the the very tidy way the teams line up in the standings. And when perfectly polite questions about this are asked, what then happens to the answer? I find this highly suspicious indeed, and you can believe I have been keeping my eyestalks limber. No one sneaks up on a Crusty from behind!"

Coach Rose-of-the-Godess of the Retribution: "I cannot think it a difficult puzzle, determing which is more likely -- that I and my team would be party to some kind of underhanded dealings, or that Otlex and his assistant are guilty of gross negligence. Personally, I consider it surprising that our so called 'omniscient' commissioner got the column written at all. He certainly hasn't shown any other signs of being responsible and well organized."

Coach Ruby Rockhauler of the Rockhill Raiders: "Eating one's words is about what you might exect from a feckless and foolhardy halfling, but I confess that eating Otlex's words shows admirable intestinal strength and an almost dwarvish iron contitution. As for the accusations of favoritism, it makes no differencee to me. Dwarvenkind will triumph in the end, no matter what kind of dirty tricks are played against them."

Season Two, Week Three

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient about the very suspicious circumstance surroundng the fact that the two top teams in the league both having the same owner.

Otlex's Answer:
"There .... nuth... ... ... rumor that ... ... financial .... ... me ... under ... table pay-offs. I ... chan... ... ..les ... ... ... to favor ... ... ... nobody bribed .. XO... ... ... .... ... bad they ..., ... job ... ... ... ... I could use the cash."

"... ... ... .. some people ... has ... skills that ... ... ... all. And if ... folk is better ... ... the good play... ... ... ... makes ... ... fac... ... the gam.... ... ... nobody ... ... ... equal because ... ... ... equally different, except those that aint."


The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach Ritcher R. Rat of the Biterz: "... iz gunna ... ... ... ... ain't .... Dat's ... we ... ... for. Dat ... ... ... iz goin ... ...."

His Royal Highness, Prince Grabbit of the Lizardale Leapers: "We ... ... ... accusations of ... ... privilidge, ... ... ... ... perfectly true. We win ... ... ... ... we are ...... but ... everyone ... ... ... ... better."

Coach Fearbi Zither of The Zomba: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... dark ... ... ... ... ... gold ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...dying. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... fear us... ... "

Season Two, Week Two

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient what happened to the Hell Hammer.

Otlex's Answer:
"Well it seems there's this border dispute between the Chaos Dwarves and the Dark Elves, and well, when a war party of them Dark Elves came calling, it wasn't my job to interfere. Besides there was this signed statement and everything, and I'm sure it was on the up and up. I know Sammy says he heard someone being tortured in the Hell Hammer locker room, but it was when he was on the way home from the Tavern, and you know what that means. I'm not going to worry about it.

"Truth is, I can't say that I'm too dissapointed to have a Dark Elf team, again. They've always done a great job of pleasing the crowd. There's just something about the Dark Elf style that seems to appeal to folks around here... maybe it's the way they're always smiling, especially when their carving their opponents to pieces. That really goes over great."


The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach Flyswatter of the Dark Wind: "As you know we have always been allies of the Dwarves of the Underdelve, and I'm sure now that my mission has been successfully carried out, this little spat will be quickly cleared away. In the meantime it is an honor to allowed a chance to participate in your league, we look forward with most particular eagerness to facing the Rockhill Raiders."

Coach J. I. Barnacle III of the Crimson Claws: "It's an outrage, that's what it is! We trained all week to face dwarves, and what did we face? Elves. Our entire playbook, useless! Obviously a case of racism and anti-marine sentiments. Such a switch would never have been allowed if we were one of the more popular land races. You better believe we have our eyestalks at the ready now, and will not be taken unawares again."

Coach Ruby Rockhauler of the Rockhill Raiders: "It seems that the dark elf community feels that there is some kind of feud between us because of what happened at the end of last season. Well, they aren't going to achieve their revenge on the Bloodbowl pitch. We are more than ready for them."

Season Two, Week One

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient why there are no Weres in this season's team roster.

Otlex's Answer:
"We were gonna to have some weres. Real crowd pleasers they are, and some of my best friends eat doggy treats under a full-moon. But they didn't show up, see, and the fans was getting fiesty and we had to get replacements fast. And whaddaya know, there was these Goblins all suited up and ready to play and everything.

"Being the nosy sort, I went round to the Weres training camp after the game, and it seems that they were all of them suffering from silver poisoning. Every single one. Amazing that they all should have come down at the same time, don't you think?

"If you ever hear rumors that Coach Rat was seen buying two pounds of silver filings two days earlier in downtown Xenia, well that rumor didn't start here. Right?


The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach Ritcher R. Rat of the Biterz: "Ya got no call saying dis smells of foul play. Ya just can't count on weres. Everyone knows dat. Hasta do with da time of da month, I hear."

Coach Irean Starflower of the Moonglade Unicorns: "Naturally it makes very little difference to us whether we face goblins or shapeshifters. I will confess that we have a slight tendency to prefer humiliating goblins, but it's only a very slight preference."

Coach Sledge of the Hell Hammer: "The Biterz are a worthy opponent... for goblin-kin. Deviousness is a virtue I admire. Matching wits with them should prove... educational."

Season Two, Pre-Season

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient to explain just what happened during week 4 of XOBB's first season.

Otlex's Answer:
"Geez, I dunno why you are asking me, when its all your fault anyway. It was that story you ran in Week Three that done it. Some of the races what didn't have teams heard we were letting the undead play, and started howling something about me being racist or somethin'. Next thing I know there's more fights breaking out in the stands than on the pitch, and then the players started jumping over the boards to join in. Man I've never seen so many dead players."

As soon as the dust cleared I started right in negotiating with some new coaches."

Whaddya mean that seems unloyal! There wasn't enough left of most of my teams to even pick up the pieces. All I really had left was the Retribution, cause it's against their religion to bash bystanders, or something, and the Raiders, 'cause it's really hard to hurt a dwarf.


The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach Nuetrales Dark of the Sea Knights: "Now that I am undead, I clearly am going to have to change my alliegences. I feel that the undead are the team of the future, after all, sooner or later, all players join us."

Coach Ruby Rockhauler of the Rockhill Raiders: "I'd like to apologize to the remaining members of the Black Wasps and the Berelym. It wasn't anything personal, it's just that me and the boys keep forgetting that although you Dark Elf types can hand it out some, you just can't take it."

Coach Loama Mist of the Dell Gryphons: "Given the state of my team, I felt I needed to hand over the banner to my third cousin twice removed from Moonglade. I am confident that by doing so the honor of the eldar race will continue to be upheld on the BloodBowl pitch."

Season One, Week Three

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient to explain why there are no Undead in the XOBB.

Otlex's Answer:
"Well, you know in order to get a really good team of Undead Blood Bowl Players, you need to have some corpses with Blood Bowl Experience. We figure at the rate we're going we oughta have things all set up for a real good dead team next season."

This here's a secret, so don't tell nobbody I said it, but we've been negotiating with a necromancer and we're really happy with how everything's going, he's only killed a couple of the people we've sent over, and that even only when we explained about the money thing."

The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach Nuetrales Dark of the Sea Knights: "We don't want undead players. We don't like undead players. If any undead team decides to join the league, you may be sure that we will be ready for them."

Coach Mickle Gorchev of the Berelym: "As a prime provider of the future Undead of the XOBB, naturally we are delighted to have them come aboard, and you may be assured that they will always be able to find top quality recruits."

Coach Rose-of-the-Godess of the Retribution: "We believe in being open and welcoming to all, even the vitality challenged. We hope that no one would ever mistake our enthusiastic game play for anything as crass and unholy as a rivalry and only the unenlighted could ever consider us prejudiced in any way."

Season One, Week Two

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient to explain why this is the Xenia Organization of Blood Bowl Players, when none of the owners live in Xenia.

Otlex's Answer:
"Xenia's a great area, it's got lots of great players. Must be some sort of tradition of street fighting or violence, or something. I wouldn't know, I don't live there myself. But anyhow, what you need to get a great league going is an area with lots of thugs eager to take to the feild, with great killer instincts and maybe some ball handling skills. Owners you can get from anywhere."

You gotta stop worring about them owners. I've got it all arranged so they don't have no say in anything, see. They're just investors, they send us money, and we use it to put on great games. The artistic control is entirely in the hands of the coaches... and me, of course, so you got nuttin to worry about."

The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Loama Mist of the Dell Griffons: "The large scale slaughtering of trees in the Xenia area makes it an uncomfortable enviroment for a truely sensitive member of the eldar race. BloodBowl players, naturally don't suffer from the same elivated sensibilities."

Gardian Flame of the Sky Knights: "The heart and soul of the team lives here, and the people of Xenia can count on us to provide them with players they can believe in, and games that will elivate the spirits and keep the blood moving."

Coach Ruby Rockhauler of the Rockhill Raiders: "The connection of clan ties is not confined by physical location. The bonds of kinship and blood make a team a team, even when the individual members are divided by oceans. Even the non-dwarf members of our team have been adopted into the Rockhill clan in a great ceremony where they are inducted into dwarfdom and granted their own ceremonial warhammer. This is the dwarven way."

Season One, Week One

This week we asked XOBB Commissioner Otlex the Omniscient to explain why the XOBB Rulebook fails to mention the very important matter of money.

Otlex's Answer:
What are you, crazy? This is Xenia, not Laurelorn. Nobody here's got any money. And whose gonna pay us money to promote their razor-sharp blades, or glittering hair gel, way out here in the boonies? Besides we don't need no stinking money, we got style, we got skills, we got carnage.

Just 'cause our players are out there for the love of the game and the joy of trampling on the other team, don't mean they aren't just as fun to watch as those fancy dancy players what won't change their shorts without two sponsers and a publicity notice.

I'll tell you what the lowest scum in the game is, and it's not snotlings, cause they're useless, but at least they've got guts... it's agents. And so long as we never pay anyone a red cent there ain't never gonna be no agents nosing around here and ruining the tone of our organization.

Interviewer: So does this mean you're all amateurs?

Otlex: No we don't do no tours.

The League coaches were also invited to comment.

Coach Sh'Yell of the Ratguy Scurriers: The only one 'round here who has any money is that warrior bitch, and she aint sharing. If you see her around tell her I saw her grandstanding at our game, and if she tries it again, I'm having her thrown out of the Stadium.

Coach Blade of the Black Wasps: My players have specifically requested that no mention of any transfer of funds between them and anyone else be made public, although our private records are, of course, always ready to be audited by authorized parties.

Coach Rose-of-the-Godess of the Retribution: I'm glad you mentioned money, because our Team is currently fund-raising for the Crusade to Succor the Subjugated, Downtrodden and Chronicly Unemployed, and I'm sure you will want to donate generously...